Great Questions Beat “Learned Helplessness”
It is so easy to fall into “Learned Helplessness” during times of stress. Before I got sober I lived in a state of “learned helplessness”, that frame of mind that looks and feels like “life is happening to me and I can’t do anything about it”. Basically a stuck, frozen victim mentality that leads to defeat and despair.
One of the many tools I’ve learned along the road of recovery is to “Ask a Better Question”, because when I do, I get a better answer. I learned this important technique from Tony Robbins and have been forever grateful, I use it all the time and it keeps me out of negative self-destructive, self-defeating thinking, thanks Tony!
Here are the basics; because questions are powerful and because our minds will find an answer to any question it is asked, even if the answer is not true or helpful, we will find an answer.
For example, let’s say something we perceive as negative happens and we ask “why does this always happen to me?” the mind will find an answer that sounds something like “because you are unlucky.” It will fill in the blank with something negative because the question is coming from a “victim” mind set. When we come from the mindset of a “victim” we create a self-fulfilling outcome because we ask questions that end up confirming that underlying belief.
A better question might be, “What’s good about this?” or “What could be good about this?”, “What could I learn from this?” or “How can I correct this?” or maybe “Is there a different way?” or “Maybe there is a better way to deal with this situation?” You get the idea. When we ask ourselves empowering questions we get empowering ideas.
We are not powerless over what we focus on nor what we say to ourselves and what we focus on and say to ourselves have an enormous impact on our mood, outlook and behavior.
Something to consider, as always I hope this is helpful!
I’m just saying,
Elizabeth
About the author, Elizabeth
Elizabeth Edwards is a singer songwriter, recording artist and a person in long-term recovery from addiction.
She is a speaker and advocate for recovery causes and currently serves on the National Advisory Council for Faces & Voices of Recovery.